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Secretary of Defense

After being vilified endlessly, the men of the world hired me to write their defense statement

After being turned into assholes, maniacs, pricks, fools and so on, the men of the world hired me (out of a shortage in budget to hire a real lawyer, and probably just because of my experiences with the law in the army – 50 % success rate isn’t bad!)

What else did the women not say about us? Here are some of the defense’s strongest claims:

1. Today’s men aren’t like what men used to be – that’s probably the stupidest claim of the prosecution. I am asking all women regarding this, if you prefer a chauvinist male with a horse and a sword, there are probably still some of those left in Norway or something, and if not please stop using this dumb claim.

2. There are no real men today – look, ladies, the Chinese faked a lot of things, but human males aren’t one of them. Look around you, wake up! There are plenty of real men in the world, from Shepherds in the desert and all the way up to Shimon Peres.

3. All men are the same shit – another brilliant claim by the prosecution. I mean, I know we’re kinda similar, the best thing we have to offer is muscles, we are hairy where we don’t need to be and not hairy where we do need to be (how do you girls find us attractive I will never understand), but still, to say that we’re the same shit? At the very least we are a different kind of shit.

4. Men are like toilet, either taken or full of shit – hey, if you go to a nightclub in Tel Aviv it’s obvious that all toilet will be taken and full of shit, so go to the Kibbutz – it’s very neat don there, and some toilets might be vacant as well.

5. All men are shallow – this one is true, it’s human nature. But believe me, we would rather have an intelligent okay-looking woman than a dumb super-model.

6. All men are pervert – I think you should clear our name on this one from the benefit of the doubt.

Overall, what I’m trying to say is that even though we have killers, rapists and crooks amongst us, nobody is perfect. You girls have many cons as well, every lady by itself might be charming but when you add all three of you up it turns into a bomb ready to detonate. Think it through, look carefully, there are many good guys out there, and most importantly – never give up…

Eran Shmuel Follow Eran
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