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Past midnight

Bad time to be awake

Amber .
Amber . Report

Every once in a while I get to the same position.
Past midnight,
My stomach makes weird noises,
My head screams nonsense in a language I don't fully understand and my mouth is shut.
Every once in a while I look back at my life at my accomplishments and my failures
My demones and my saviors.
I try with my desperate mind to understand if all of that was worth it?
Am I where I want to be? Is it possible for me to be free from this circle of sorrow and agony about things that never happened and never will be? Even though I wanted them to be?
When I was in 7th grade my literature teacher brought us tarot cards and I pulled the one with a dagger shuved inside a heart and my teacher said I'll experience unrequited love..
He only said one and sinces than I had planty almost like it is my destiny to be aching and shivering for the coldness of people, from feeling unwanted and never being equal.
My literature teacher said he doesn't believe in true love, I guess he pulled to many cards at once because being smart in life doesn't mean you have the guts.
The guts to comprehend how love and life can suddenly begin and suddenly end.
But no one can stop the circle from spining like I cannot stop crying over those who took my most precious belongings.. my heart... my innocence.. my light and my happiness.
But as a said before life is like a circle that keeps spinning and I will take back my possession even if it means to start from the begining.
I won't lie and say seeing the one who broke my heart shakes me
I won't deny that seeing the one who chose my friend over me upsets me
Looking in the eye to those who bullied me and disrespected me, anxious me, but what can I say this is the price I ought to pay .
Perhaps my future will sweeten after all the bitterness is behind me
And hopefully someday I'll fall asleep every night, after midnight, smiling.

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