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The Day I Stopped Feeling

the night that made her feelings shut down forever

It was the kind of days the only think you want to do is sit outside and stare at the sky. The sun was shining, it was warm but not in a way that made you want to stay inside. It was a beautiful day. If I wasn’t closed in the base I probably would have gone to the beach, or jumping to the pool outside my house. The perfect weather made me lazy during work hours so I had to stay and work late that evening. In general I was pretty happy with the place I end up being, although it was far from home and I didn’t get to come back every day.

I sat in one of the offices doing paper work I didn’t get to do in the morning when the prettiest guy in the base got into the office. I saw him around a few times but didn’t really have a real opportunity to talk to him yet because he was always working, or he was surrounded with girls raising his ego. Usually I don’t like this type of guys, the ones who like to hear how perfect they are, but then again I didn’t really knew a perfect looking guy till that moment. He was wearing grey sweat suit and a white t-shirt under it, his hair was a mess from the shower he took just moments before and his eyes were shining with some shade of blue I still can't describe. He said hello in the most gentle way like he was afraid his voice would scare me. I nodded back with my head and smiled half a smile not sure how to act, what I should say or for that matter if I could speak at all. He wondered out loud what I was doing in the office in this hour of the night, I told him I have work to make up from the morning. After that he just sat there for a while, I tried to concentrate at work as much as I could considering the hottest guy ever stared at me for almost half an hour.

When I finished working I asked him why doesn’t he go to sleep and he said he just enjoying staring at me. At first I felt flattered I mean who wouldn’t? Then, I started to feel a little unconformable. Maybe this was the moment I should have walked away or at least said something, but that was the first time any man has noticed me and I let the good feeling take over. So we talked, well I mostly talked, and he just nodded, and got closer to me with every sentence I said. When I felt he was standing too close I went back and tried to tell him I feel it's not appropriate but he anticipated it and before I could speak he said he saw how I looked at him. I wanted to ask him what he means by that but again I couldn’t speak. Now he was so close I could hear him breath and the reason I didn’t say anything was that I was terrified to say something that would sound wrong so I just stood there unable to move or speak.

When he put his hand in my hip I started to understand what is going to happen if I won't run or scream for help. I tried to move aside so I would have a way to get out but he took his other hand and pinned my hand to the table so I couldn’t move. He whispered things into my ear but I didn't hear anything, I just kept thinking I wanted my first time to be on my wedding night. What a stupid thought was that. When I was able to organize my thoughts a little bit I begged him to let me go, in return his answer was that if I could relax I may enjoy also. At this moment I noticed he started to open my pants with his free hand. Then he turned me around and pinned me to the corner of the room with his body and finished taking down my pants with his other hand. This is the last thing I know for sure before I felt the worst pain I ever felt in my entire life. It went in for some time and I think I went unconscious for part of it although I can't be sure.

He finished at some point and told me he I honored to be my first. I laid there until I felt I could carry myself to my room, and this was the day I stopped feeling.

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