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Current state of mind

Me

I feel nothing. Except this 5 ton rock on my chest I don't feel a thing . I'm not sad nor happy. I'm not excited, tired or lonely. I don't feel hope despair. Just nothing, empty. I can hear the echo when I speak empty words. Months I've tried everything. The feelings rushing through my body in and swooping through. Happiness then sadness then hope and then despair. Working hard to fix things and crying nights and days feeling lonely, sad, hopeless. For a minute there I thought I saw a way out but turns out that exit was blocked as well. And I am so hard on myself. Such high expectations I blame myself for the situation I'm in even if its not my fault in any way just because that one time I was late for work oh and that one time I was tired and sick so instead of going to run some errands I stayed in bed. So now it's my fault. My fault that my father won't speak to me and that my sister does everything in her power to make me miserable. And it's my fault that my friends don't know how to treat me. It's my fault my job doesn't pay me enough and that my landlord is horrible. All because of that one time.............
Well l don't care anymore I don't wanna try and make things better cause it doesn't work! I don't want people to feel bad for me anymore. It feels like whole world knows my story and won't stop caring. I wanna be normal. I want to enjoy something.

I feel nothing. Except this 5 ton rock on my chest I don't feel a thing . I'm not sad nor happy. I'm not excited, tired or lonely. I don't feel hope despair. Just nothing, empty. I can hear the echo when I speak empty words. Months I've tried everything. The feelings rushing through my body in and swooping through. Happiness then sadness then hope and then despair. Working hard to fix things and crying nights and days feeling lonely, sad, hopeless. For a minute there I thought I saw a way out but turns out that exit was blocked as well. And I am so hard on myself. Such high expectations I blame myself for the situation I'm in even if its not my fault in any way just because that one time I was late for work oh and that one time I was tired and sick so instead of going to run some errands I stayed in bed. So now it's my fault. My fault that my father won't speak to me and that my sister does everything in her power to make me miserable. And it's my fault that my friends don't know how to treat me. It's my fault my job doesn't pay me enough and that my landlord is horrible. All because of that one time.............
Well l don't care anymore I don't wanna try and make things better cause it doesn't work! I don't want people to feel bad for me anymore. It feels like whole world knows my story and won't stop caring. I wanna be normal. I want to enjoy something.

I feel nothing. Except this 5 ton rock on my chest I don't feel a thing . I'm not sad nor happy. I'm not excited, tired or lonely. I don't feel hope despair. Just nothing, empty. I can hear the echo when I speak empty words. Months I've tried everything. The feelings rushing through my body in and swooping through. Happiness then sadness then hope and then despair. Working hard to fix things and crying nights and days feeling lonely, sad, hopeless. For a minute there I thought I saw a way out but turns out that exit was blocked as well. And I am so hard on myself. Such high expectations I blame myself for the situation I'm in even if its not my fault in any way just because that one time I was late for work oh and that one time I was tired and sick so instead of going to run some errands I stayed in bed. So now it's my fault. My fault that my father won't speak to me and that my sister does everything in her power to make me miserable. And it's my fault that my friends don't know how to treat me. It's my fault my job doesn't pay me enough and that my landlord is horrible. All because of that one time.............
Well l don't care anymore I don't wanna try and make things better cause it doesn't work! I don't want people to feel bad for me anymore. It feels like whole world knows my story and won't stop caring. I wanna be normal. I want to enjoy something.

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