are feelings really necessary?
To feel, some would say it's like seeing the light in the end of a long dark tunnel. For someone who never felt anything before it's like standing alone on the stage when all the lights are directed to you and you forgot the words of the play. Without the feelings everything was clear and organized, there were no question marks along the way. The logic was my best friend for years; I knew I could rely on it time and again. Feelings are untrustworthy, they are unstable and heightened with every little trigger it's confusing as hell. Furthermore, no one in their right mind could ever be so stupid to let someone else be responsible for their happiness. But apparently when you have feelings you are not the only one to make those decisions in your life, your feeling have a life of themselves and worse, they also have control of the common sense in your mind. So you are left with being really stupid and making fun of yourself in front of other people, or hope the subject of your affection feels the same so you won't be the only one acting stupid.
I wonder how much time it takes to master those feelings. Because it is all new to me I never felt anything to anyone before. And I don’t talk only about relationships I really had no feelings till now toward anything or anyone. And yes I know it sounds weird. My stupid brain stopped functioning just when I needed him the most, and gave up to my more stupid feelings. How does it possible to not have something for almost five years and then to get it all back at once like a huge explosion of idiotism. Just when I got used to the fact that my life changed forever, he looked at me with those pretty eyes of his and my life changed again. How can a person live with so many life changing experiences? Well usually I could think of a smart answer for almost anything but lately my brain decided to take a vacation. Also how can one person change other person life in less than a second? How does it make sense that a look can have such an effect on someone? I am looking at people all day long why none of them ever raised back those shutdown feelings? Now I think maybe I was better off without them. I waited a long time for someone to make me feel again but maybe feelings are overrated.