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My depression

My 24/7 straggle

My depression is quite because I fake everything long enough so people don't see it...
Here is how you live with bipolar and social anxiety...
You wake up with a smile on your face and a hope for a better day but it doesn't take long time until your demons come and star taking it away from you... your family and friends say that they love you and you know that it's true but something inside of you tells you that they are lying and you're not worth it... you can't walk outside without the fear that every one is judging and laughing at you you can't ask for any help because of it. You feel like you don't belong... and the next second you feel fine. You can't talk to anyone about it because you feel like a failure even when you do get to do something good you feel like not good enough and you shouldn't feel good about yourself...
Every day you blame yourself for who you are and every time you try to change yourself you just giving up because you know you never going to be good enough for the people who metter to you...
Every one think that I'm strong and this is what they see because I hide it so good.. I can say what is on my mind because I'm afraid of what people will think so I say what people what to hear...
I love and care for a lot of people. but never later anyone to do the same for me. Because I think I don't deserve it.
It's the worst thing ever that can happen to someone.
I'm dealing with years of self harm falling asleep with tears in my eyes... even when I feel like crying I stop myself because I don't even think that deserve to cry.
I push people away from me even when I want them around. The last couple of years my best friend was my music and books and no one else ... this is the only place I can run to when everything is falling apart... because there I find people who save my life every day, that makes me feel that I worth something in this world and that it's still not my time to disappear completely.
I'm not the only one who has it so open your eyes on the people who is around you make them see what they mean to you. It's doesn't take too much to help someone who feels like giving up on this life. Don't let them feel alone in this boat.

Vicky Worsnop Follow Vicky
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